Hey guys, guess what delightful holiday season it is right now.

Think about it. It's halfway through December, what happens around that time? It's kind of obscure, but I'm sure you're wise enough to stretch your mind outside the OH WAIT A MINUTE IT'S CHRISTMAS. Yes. It is. And we never hear the gawd-dang end of it. The idea of approaching Christmas is constantly hammered into our brains every minute of every day by everything in the universe, ever.

It starts in November, oddly enough, with the convenience stores. Tesco and Morrisons and shiz, putting up decorations for the festive event with their strange out-of-sync-with-reality timing that is only really "convenient" for insane soccer moms with broken clocks in every room of their house. Wait, clocks don't count days and months, do they? Uh, I mean... broken calendars! Yeah! Broken somehow. I dunno. With a soccer ball. Who knows? Who cares? I don't. Moving on.

This is the doomsday marker that officialy slaps you and says "Daaaamn son, Xmas just kicked in, yo! Break yo'selves!" to prepare you for the six Shishmas songs that are then played on the radio NON glompING STOP. Every second or third word of those six songs being "CHRISTMAS!!!!11!11shift" just in case you allegedly forgot your sole brain cell that morning and didn't know what was happening.

Why are we so excited with Christmas? BECAUSE WE GET THINGS. Games, Chocolate, Time Off Sch-uncool. We are naturally all greedy bastards and take on the holiday just for that, throwing in the occasional hymn and religious hoo-hah to try to justify our gift-grabbing choc-scoffing rampage saying "See? This is important for some reason! And to prove it, I can sing some nonsense about Baby Jesus!"

But you know what? It's good to give. And get time off Sch-uncool. And spend time with those you <3. Not everyone takes a half-arsed parasitic approach to Christmas, it's a genuinely happy time of year despite all the nipple-destroying blizzards, chocolate/alcohol hangovers and having to pay flipping great wodges of dosh for all the nifty stuff at the end of it. It's best not to dwell on the annoying Chrostmos pop culture and all the horrible shiz I just mentioned, it's a great holiday. The thing is you can't get through it without hearing the word a few hundred times. I myself usually never recognise important pieces of information unless I write it down or I do more than just let it be talked at me mindlessly, but when it's repeatedly pounded into my head every day up till the 25th, it's annoying. What happens after the 25th?

EVERYBODY SHUTS UP. THAT'S IT.

After the 215,343,467,452th mentioning of how it's Christmas, you get your presents and have thrown up from the copious amounts of Celebrations/Roses/Quality Street you've crammed down your cakehole, everyone goes about as normal almost instantly as if it had never happened. It's like if a psychotic maniac jumps at you , backs you into a corner, whacks you on the head with a plastic spoon saying he's going to kill you, and after the fiftieth whack he stops screaming and just says "Well, I'm off." and just leaves me there with a slightly indented forehead from the entire drawer-load of spoon marks he's left in it. That would annoy me very much indeed. I would follow him out of the building, and then I would eat him and destroy him (in no particular order).

What the hell, why did I make a controversial blog post about Christmas that would possibly offend several tens of people or more? I was supposed to destroy that Ebil Fridge thing already! Let's do that very soon.